|
|
|
| Home | Legal | About Us | Link To Us | Bookmark Us | Recommend Us | Suggest a Link | Search | Feedback | Contact | |
| |
|
|
|
Raising Selfless Children by Minnette Coleman |
|
It is really amazing what parents will do to help their child win a scholarship contest. They order the child to start an organization, raise money, sponsor a walk- just to get their picture in the paper and their names in the news. Many parents actually do all the work for these projects- and I mean everything- and put their kids name on it so the child can get community service credit as well as win a contest. They also hire someone to write the essay and fill out the applications or they do it themselves. All to make sure their child succeeds. But at what cost to the child?
Now we all want our children to succeed. So, you watch with pride as your child get good grades, makes the soccer or tennis team, and join a club or two that he likes. When your child confronts you with the “community service” item on the college application you naturally want to help. But doing it for them is not the thing to do. In the almost six years since making community service a requirement on college applications we have started to make heroes of young people just for helping their fellow man. Right now Yahoo lists 195 contests for “community service”. The most important word in community service is community. And that’s where the selflessness starts- with something locally based- i.e., in the immediate community. I have spent time with a few award-winning young people who are truly selfless. They never ask for tuition money, they ask for more donations for their cause. Most of these kids were forced to enter scholarship contests that were created to honor youth for community service by parents and faculty who knew they would win because of what they do for others. That’s the key -what they do for others. Look at these examples: · A 10 year old girl discovers that her school is leaking sewage and has a contaminated water supply. She goes door to door to help get a bond issue passed so that a new school will be built. · A 16 year sees the need for a Boys Club or a Y in his poverty stricken neighborhood and opens a storefront school where he teaches art to local kids to keep them out of the street (for a break they play basketball). They sell their own merchandise and keep the money. · A young Laotian girl puts her cultures etiquette aside and addresses her elders, teaching them not fish or plant vegetables in polluted and toxic areas. · After racial slurs are said to her and her classmates as they are bused to a new school, a 15 year old girl works to get a respect day at her school, something that becomes an annual event. Not one of these events made the national news. These kids were local heroes because they were selfless enough to do the dirty work in the community. Others feed the homeless with their allowance, clean the streets and highways on their own, tutor kids who need help without pay. In other words, they do not ask for recognition because what they do comes from the heart. If your child is looking for some way to do community service have them begin in their first community-the family. What does he or she “volunteer” to do without you telling them? What do they do at home without seeking a reward? A friend’s daughter likes to read to her baby brother who can’t understand the words but who smiles with delight at the sound of her voice. When my oldest daughter was young she liked to comb and style her little sister’s hair. Another child I know goes walking with his grandfather just to keep him company. It is also easy to show a child a path that might lead to helping others when you start at home. When it is time to turn a young person loose on the community ask them: what do you see that needs to be done? (Hint: don’t initially ask them what they think they can do to change the community. That’s too general and it sounds like they will have to pursue the entire endeavor alone.) They may come up with an issue that you didn’t think of, so don’t tell them to back off if this is unfamiliar territory. In fact this may be best because it means they have to pursue a course of action on their own. The ball is now dropped in your court. Are you going to let them try to fly on their own with a little nudging from you or are you going to carry them all the way? Why not suggest they get help from their peers- especially those that are not truly selfless-to help. They eventually have to go it alone so your decision not to help them may be best for their future. Remember it is your job to mentor as well as parent. Make sure that when they ask for assistance they have used all of their own resources. And if they have not, suggest a few and then sit back and let them take over. This way you know they are doing it for themselves. But this way they will truly make you proud. © 2001 Minnette Coleman. All rights reserved. Re-printed with permission. |
||
Minnette Coleman is the proud mother of two daughters and director of the Take Action Fund, which recognizes and honors young people who are using imagination, courage, and tenacity to establish organizations or mobilize their peers to make their communities more livable, more compassionate and more just. She lives in New York with her husband and is currently working on a reprise of a one-woman show that will be performed around the south next spring. | ||
Would you like to contribute an article on a homeschooling topic? Contact us.
| Site Terms of Use | Advertise | FAQ | Privacy |
